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You’ve all seen those movies where one guy is like “Hey MULTIPLE friends of mine, let’s go hit up the bars!” and his friends are like “Yeah man!” then everyone goes out to bar and they have fun and dance and talk to women. Oh what FUN this world we live in is! Uhhhhh…reality check! Never happens.
First off, who has MANY friends, some of whom are attractive, smart women who enjoy your company? Uhh, maybe like E.T.?? Maybe Jaws The Shark? Because I know I don’t, because I’m a real human being. Second, who actually enjoys nights out? Music’s playing loudly, it’s expensive, no one ever talks to you, and your roommate Mike is always like “Jesus, Dan, will you lighten up and quit complaining about the jukebox and saying how overrated the Star Trek reboot was, it’s a Friday night and we’re just trying to have a good time, you promised us you wouldn’t be like this,” and you’re like “Ohhhh, I’m so sorry, I know you were about to totally NAIL that CHICKEROO in the bathroom, sorry if me correctly pointing out how crappy the new Star Trek movie was ‘harked on your game’ or whatever, but maybe if you could frickin’ HEAR ME over this BON JOVI MUSIC you’d realize that I’m making some pretty stupidly obvious points here” then they say they’re going home and ask your girlfriend Coryn if she needs a ride and Coryn’s like “Yeah sure, Mike” and then they leave together and you fucking see him open the door for her. So when are we gonna see THAT movie? Oh yeah: NEVER. Carry on, “The Hobbit”.
